Kindergarteners and The Church of Columbus (And Some Of The People That Came Way Before Him/Why It’s A Ridiculous Holiday Anyways)

“And so the children placed their newly created idols onto the wall, creating a shrine dedicated to Christopher Columbus, as they placed blood colored (and covered) hooded cloaks onto themselves and chanted “1492… 1492” in deep melodious voices repeatedly, similar to how one would reiterate ‘1801’… Basking in the joy of the holiday known as Columbus Day, they continued this as the cold dark night wore on…. They stared with deadened pure black eyes, kneeling on the group in holy worship…”
Until they left kindergarten.
We live in a nation where we celebrate a holiday every October 12th, dedicated to a man named Christopher Columbus. Children make little pictures and put them on walls, and learn a song that glorifies him. (Kind of like Christmas songs) Everyone gets the day off school, or work, and goes around telling each other, “Happy Columbus Day!”, as children are raised to believe in a Santa Claus-ified figure that in their minds invented the vast and beautiful country known as America, turkeys, Indians, and rock and roll. Cute, right?
About as cute as murder, rape, and slavery, as well as a man that wasn’t even the first person to reach said country. So not cute at all. It’s terrible.
Truth be told, the holiday of Columbus Day wasn’t really invented because this man was so wonderful. It was a holiday invented for the sole purpose of giving the worlds children a ‘courageous’ role model, that also happened to ‘discover America’. They obviously didn’t think this decision through, since he took part in mass murder, slavery, sex slavery (Of children) and mass rape. Definitely the perfect role model for our kids. (And it’s apparent in a lot of aspects of society that he’s been a diabolical little ‘role model’. Or at least I think so, if you’d like to declare the point of the holiday as a successful one, similar to how he declared America as India. Such a smart guy, gee wiz. “Much wow”.)
And if they were going to dedicate the day to the “first person in America” (Or at least a decent role model), shouldn’t there be a day dedicated to all the others that came before Columbus? (As I remember being told as a young child. Hopefully they phrase it differently now, because he was so not the first person in America and I feel sorry for anyone who actually believes this.) After all, it has been said that a couple of groups have been rumored to have “discovered” the Americas before hand (As well as proven) such as the Norse, the Polynesians, the Chinese, the Israelites, the Irish, Africans, and so many other groups. There are all sorts of evidence of others marked across the land, such as evidence in Arizona of Muslim Arabs, and Romans in North Carolina. All these groups have obviously been in America before Columbus. Leif Erikson, for example, founded a Norse Settlement in North America around 1000 (A.D.). The Polynesians were supposedly in the land around the 1300’s- early 1400’s. (Due to carbon dating on some lovely chicken bones.)
So Columbus wasn’t the first person to discover America, and he’s pretty much the old-school equivalent of a man on death row when it comes to crimes. But why is this holiday still celebrated, when we know that what we know about him and the others that came before him? I’d like to think of it as a strange phenomenon, where we typically follow established tradition. Columbus Day was established years ago in 1934. It’s been going on for years. It is very possible that not only do most people not know of the horrors that he participated in, but also maybe most people think it’s essential, like thanksgiving. We don’t like being given the truth honestly, especially if we won’t like it, and we don’t like change as a whole. But either way, everyone should know. Similar to how America eventually broke free of England, and slowly of its culture, we should take off this aspect of our culture. Most people admit that theres several wrong aspects to out society, similar to the revolution, while some say theres nothing wrong and change would be insane. (Sounds like loyalists, to a demented American society.)
What would our founding fathers say, (If they really are as great as they’ve been made out to be in kindergarten classrooms) knowing their future country decided to celebrate such a thing? Would they justify it with the tormented being Native Americans? Would they be horrified of what we’ve become culturally? (Or would Alexander Hamilton cry over our economy more than focus on a holiday?) Either way, in honor of the nation we aspired to become, a great and wonderful land of the free, we should honor our human beginning by celebrating how we eventually came to be in this nation, not with a serial rapist, but maybe with a “Norse/Chinese/Everyone That Came Before Columbus” Day. Sounds like it would be a lot more Kindergarten friendly than the worship predictably seen in the ‘Church of Columbus’. (After all, they have some freaky rituals.)


IMAGE: (For some odd reason I can’t add an image to this, so heres the url itself.)

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One thought on “Kindergarteners and The Church of Columbus (And Some Of The People That Came Way Before Him/Why It’s A Ridiculous Holiday Anyways)

  1. This reminds of the romanticization of Pocahantas and John Smith. It creates this facade of a cute romance between a Native American girl and a strong white man, when in reality, its closer to a teenage Native American girl being taken from her homeland to a strange country with a white man that decided she was cute. It’s completely ridiculous that Disney can just take something so terrible and make it into a fluffy cartoon about love.

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