How to Cook Independence (in 7 easy steps)

Ingredients

  • 13 American Colonies of various different religions, races, industries, topographies, & sizes
  • 7 cups of British influence
  • 4 cups of French influence
  • 2 cups of Spanish influence
  • 1 tbsp of Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil
  • 1 1/2 cup of melted Lust For Land
  • dash of Jealousy sauce
  • dash of Envy sauce
  • 1/4 cup of diced Colonial Disunity
  • 1/2 cup of organic British Dominance
  • 2 tbsp of British Officer Arrogance extract
  • 2 tbsp of Colonial Militia Self-Esteem extract
  • 1763 Treaty of Paris powder
  • Proclamation of 1763 powder
  • 2 cups of Mercantilism paste
  • 3 1/2 cups of finely grated Oppressive Laws & Acts
  • 1/2 cup of canned Revolutionists’ Outstanding Military Leadership
  • 1/2 cup of canned Mediocre British Military Leadership
  • 1 cup low-sodium Hessians
  • 1 1/2 cup gluten-free British Army
  • 1 cup salted American Militia
  • 1/2 cup buttered French Army
  • clove of Radical Ideas On Government
  • 1783 Treaty of Paris powder
  • Chunk Of Land

Prep: 155 years (1608-1763)

Cook: 12 years (1763-1775)

Ready In: 8 years (1775-1783)

Serves about 2.5 million

Directions

1. In a bowl, combine 13 American Colonies with 2 cups of Spanish Influence & 7 cups of British Influence. Whip in 4 cups of French Influence. Handle with caution as mixture is volatile. Add 1 tablespoon of Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil. Let mixture set for a few years to convert Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil into Fur Trade.

2. Pour mixture into larger bowl. Combine with 1 1/2 cup of melted Lust For Land & a dash of Envy and Jealousy sauce. Take care that rapidly expanding concoction does not spill over edges of bowl. Cover bowl & let seethe for several decades.

3. If done correctly, you should find that the reaction has created four substances: 1 cup of King William’s War, 1 cup of Queen Anne’s War, 1 cup of King George’s War, & 3 cups of French & Indian War. Add to the mix 1/2 cup organic British Dominance along with 1/4 cup of diced Colonial Disunity & stir thoroughly. Throw in 2 tablespoons each of British Officer Arrogance & Colonial Militia Self-Esteem extract. Carefully mix.

4. Steep mixture in water to get rid of Myth of British Invincibility. Stir in 1763 Treaty of Paris & Proclamation of 1763 powder. Let mixture rise, which creates 3/4 cup of Colonial Rebellion.

5. Blend 2 cups of Mercantilism paste and 3 1/2 cups of finely grated Oppressive Laws & Acts into mixture. Let set for a few years, which produces 3 tablespoons of Smuggling, 4 tablespoons of Propaganda, 1/2 cup of Colonial Unity, & 3 cups of Colonial Uprisings.

6. Transfer mixture into large pot. Throw in a clove of Radical Ideas On Government. Mash in 1/2 cup of canned Revolutionists’ Outstanding Military Leadership, 1/2 cup of canned Mediocre British Military Leadership, 1 cup low-sodium Hessians, 1 1/2 cup gluten-free British Army, 1 cup salted American Militia, and 1/2 cup buttered French Army. Cover with a heavy lid & bring mixture to a boil. Leave boiling for several years.

7. Once done, let mixture cool down & condense. Strain out Oppressive Laws & Acts & gluten-free British Army. Sprinkle in 1783 Treaty of Paris powder. Add in Chunk Of Land. Stir thoroughly, then pour onto plate.

Garnish with a sprig of Temporary Happiness

george washington

Works Cited:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato_soup

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington

Bailey, Thomas, David Kennedy, and Lizabeth Cohen. The American Pageant: 11th Edition. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1998. Print.

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6 thoughts on “How to Cook Independence (in 7 easy steps)

  1. I really love the way you wrote this! It’s funny and informative, with an equal balance of facts and witty humor. It’s definitely an interesting way of presenting the events of and leading up to the American Revolution.

  2. I really like the idea of turning it into a recipe. I think it’s really clever and it indirectly shows cause and effect, of how it wasn’t just one particular event, or just one idea that gained America it’s need and want for independence but it was a mix of things. The ‘prep, cook, ready in’ times and the ‘serves 2.5 million’ really captured the whole idea and I thought it fit perfectly.

  3. I think this is really clever. You are explaining why the Revolution happened and how everything affected what ended up happening. I love the little details like “serves about 2.5 million” and “Garnish with a sprig of temporary happiness”.

  4. I like how Destiny pointed out the cause and effect portion. If you had just included the ingredients, it would’ve been nice to see how all of the factors of the revolution came together, but I think what really ties it all in is how all of the factors interacted, both politically and culturally, and chronologically. Good Job!

  5. Like Najma, I think this is a clever representation of the causes and effects of the American Revolution. It was very fun to read! I’m really curious by the measurements you assigned to every ingredient. “Combine with 1 1/2 cup of melted Lust For Land & a dash of Envy and Jealousy sauce.”–This is great, really great, and super creative.

  6. This is brilliant! I had considered doing a recipe as well (but for the Boston Massacre) and there are so many clever things in yours that I didn’t even think of! Like, the Prep, Cook, Ready, and Serves part. And the way you wrote the directions is just as clever! I love the picture of George Washington with the little smile and bowl of tomato soup. Great job!

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