- 13 American Colonies of various different religions, races, industries, topographies, & sizes
- 7 cups of British influence
- 4 cups of French influence
- 2 cups of Spanish influence
- 1 tbsp of Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil
- 1 1/2 cup of melted Lust For Land
- dash of Jealousy sauce
- dash of Envy sauce
- 1/4 cup of diced Colonial Disunity
- 1/2 cup of organic British Dominance
- 2 tbsp of British Officer Arrogance extract
- 2 tbsp of Colonial Militia Self-Esteem extract
- 1763 Treaty of Paris powder
- Proclamation of 1763 powder
- 2 cups of Mercantilism paste
- 3 1/2 cups of finely grated Oppressive Laws & Acts
- 1/2 cup of canned Revolutionists’ Outstanding Military Leadership
- 1/2 cup of canned Mediocre British Military Leadership
- 1 cup low-sodium Hessians
- 1 1/2 cup gluten-free British Army
- 1 cup salted American Militia
- 1/2 cup buttered French Army
- clove of Radical Ideas On Government
- 1783 Treaty of Paris powder
- Chunk Of Land
Prep: 155 years (1608-1763)
Cook: 12 years (1763-1775)
Ready In: 8 years (1775-1783)
Serves about 2.5 million
1. In a bowl, combine 13 American Colonies with 2 cups of Spanish Influence & 7 cups of British Influence. Whip in 4 cups of French Influence. Handle with caution as mixture is volatile. Add 1 tablespoon of Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil. Let mixture set for a few years to convert Beaver Pelt Infatuation oil into Fur Trade.
2. Pour mixture into larger bowl. Combine with 1 1/2 cup of melted Lust For Land & a dash of Envy and Jealousy sauce. Take care that rapidly expanding concoction does not spill over edges of bowl. Cover bowl & let seethe for several decades.
3. If done correctly, you should find that the reaction has created four substances: 1 cup of King William’s War, 1 cup of Queen Anne’s War, 1 cup of King George’s War, & 3 cups of French & Indian War. Add to the mix 1/2 cup organic British Dominance along with 1/4 cup of diced Colonial Disunity & stir thoroughly. Throw in 2 tablespoons each of British Officer Arrogance & Colonial Militia Self-Esteem extract. Carefully mix.
4. Steep mixture in water to get rid of Myth of British Invincibility. Stir in 1763 Treaty of Paris & Proclamation of 1763 powder. Let mixture rise, which creates 3/4 cup of Colonial Rebellion.
5. Blend 2 cups of Mercantilism paste and 3 1/2 cups of finely grated Oppressive Laws & Acts into mixture. Let set for a few years, which produces 3 tablespoons of Smuggling, 4 tablespoons of Propaganda, 1/2 cup of Colonial Unity, & 3 cups of Colonial Uprisings.
6. Transfer mixture into large pot. Throw in a clove of Radical Ideas On Government. Mash in 1/2 cup of canned Revolutionists’ Outstanding Military Leadership, 1/2 cup of canned Mediocre British Military Leadership, 1 cup low-sodium Hessians, 1 1/2 cup gluten-free British Army, 1 cup salted American Militia, and 1/2 cup buttered French Army. Cover with a heavy lid & bring mixture to a boil. Leave boiling for several years.
7. Once done, let mixture cool down & condense. Strain out Oppressive Laws & Acts & gluten-free British Army. Sprinkle in 1783 Treaty of Paris powder. Add in Chunk Of Land. Stir thoroughly, then pour onto plate.
Garnish with a sprig of Temporary Happiness
Bailey, Thomas, David Kennedy, and Lizabeth Cohen. The American Pageant: 11th Edition. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1998. Print.